Follow Me To My New Blog?

Follow Me To My New Blog?

As it states in the title this blog may be shutting down. I am unsure whether to leave it as it is, or shut it down, but I may keep it and sometimes add a blog to it?

I am in the process of getting my new blog set up here: Lone Wolf Breathes

The title of the new blog is simply a metaphor of me as a lone wolf breathing words into the blog. My writing comes from a very deep part of me and this seemed appropriate. It will allow me to have more variety of material to write about, as I found with this blog being so obviously attached to my counselling career, it was distracting from my writing here, and comments on other blogs.

For the next few days I will be transferring blogs I like from here to my new blog: Lone Wolf Breathes and then kicking off with some new blogs. I am looking forward to the freedom of commenting it will bring, and not be intimidating to others hopefully.

Please do follow me over there, and I will continue to follow your blogs. If you have any other blogs I’m not following then comment below for me to follow.

Thanks, Stephen.

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Spikes or Flower?

Spikes or Flower?

This cactus came from a family holiday in Lanzarote as a tiny sprout. It has been cared for since then, watered, fed, changed to a bigger pot, and has sunshine shining down on it, when it is actually sunny in Northern Ireland… Some people may still just see it as this spiky useless thing. They may not see the tiny, intricate, beautiful flowers it has produced.

I know a lot of people who on the outside may look quite scary and sharp; sometimes us who happen to ride motorcycles may be looked upon as loud, scary and rough. As with the beautiful flowers on my cactus, it is for the beholder to see what they wish.

So what are the spines (spikes) for? They are not thorns, rather they are modified leaves, and keep some predators away from the water inside, but also help on a misty or foggy night to trap some water, which then falls down the smooth cactus to the ground and is able to be absorbed by the roots.

So if you think of people who may be protecting themselves in this, sometimes, dry and arid world, devoid of empathy, they may use defenses to keep people away. If you look closely at a cactus it usually has a beautiful smooth surface behind the spines. If we cared enough to really see a person we may see the beautiful smooth stem, the spines all designed so intricately to protect, and the fruit that it produces, for this cactus it is the stunning flowers.

A person behind the spikes could be a father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, friend or any number of very kind things to many people. Going with the bikers again, I know most bikers have very big kind hearts and do many things to help people, maybe a charity bike run to raise money for little children who need some sunshine to shine down on them, and raise money to help them.

As both a biker and a counsellor I am privileged to know a lot of people who may on the outside have a lot of spines to protect themselves, after being hurt in this world. I know that behind these spines is a beautiful soul that is very kind and helpful to others, despite what has happened to them. I know the fruit they are producing and how they help others to flourish.

As you can read I look at a cactus very differently, and it means a lot to me. I find comfort in the spiky spines. It is a reminder to me that spiky people may be a lot different behind that defense. It reminds me if someone is spiky to me that if I negotiate them spiky spines carefully, the smoother, calmer person is there. The beautiful flowers this cactus produces twice a year, reminds me how a person can flourish, if they recieve the correct care and attention we all require in this world. Thanks for reading, Stephen.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

Confessions Of A Married Man In Love With Another Lady

Confessions Of A Married Man In Love With Another Lady

I am feeling very honest and reflective tonight so I want to write this as a form of confession. This blog is written from a very deep and honest Soul. My Bride will read this at some stage I suspect, so I will confess my sins to her also.  I have been happily married for over 15 years, but I am truly, madly, deeply, in love and lust with another woman. I suspect my Bride may have suspicions as she has seen me with a faraway look in my eyes before I have disappeared for hours at a time, sometimes until very late at night. She has probably noticed the ‘other woman’ is never around during these times also…

The other lady is a gorgeous fiery red from Italy. The ‘Big Lady’ is an Aprilia Falco V-Twin 1000cc Motorcycle. 😀 I am in love with motorbikes in general but the bike I fondly nickname ‘Big Lady’ has stolen my heart. I love the insane amount of power, the low down torque of an Italian V-Twin, and the booming noise. I love the curves and that it wants to wheelie  everywhere. I love that it keeps wanting me to go quicker, harder, further and still offers so much more.

I will fill you in a little on a bikers life. A bike needs to click with its owner if you are going to ride it fast and hard. My last bike wanted to throw me off frequently, and I over rode it, backing it into corners and thrashing it as fast as it would go. I did not respect it.  This may seem crazy talking about a bike as if it is alive; but have you ever sat on a bike while pushing to find its limits? You need to know the bike has your back and trust it. The ‘Big Lady’ does that every time as I have had some close calls, and this big red Italian lady has brought me home each time!

My bride likes bikes but also knows the dangers. She still told me sometimes to strap my helmet on and just go for a ride, as I was stressed and irritable. Husbands will read this as ‘just go away and give my head peace for a while’. I always came back in a completely different mindset. I was completely de-stressed and at peace with myself again. This is due to a mixture of therapies. Motorcycle therapy is the best therapy invented. Strap a helmet on and just ride that steel horse wherever the sun is shining with no set agenda, or time limit, just remember to fill up the tank  regularly and ride. I have ridden so far at times I have to slide off and lay down beside it on the road, and just stretch my back and butt back out. You bikers have all been there, getting the funny looks form non-bikers, just laid out on the road beside your steel horse, then walking like John Wayne for a bit until the feeling comes back. Now that is a worthwhile bike ride 😀

The other therapy is mindfulness. I would park my bike up (as in the picture of my beautiful Italian lady above) and just sit my ass down and look at the sea, or a river, or lake and just use mindfulness to clear my mind and let the troubles drift away. After being on the road for a few hours it was brilliant to just sit and let my mind clear itself of the crap. Mindfulness allows me to clear the rubbish, and afterwards have room in my complex mind to decipher what I need to work out in this life.

In the picture below is a view from the road from behind the bubble of my Aprilia on a rare beautiful sunny day in Northern Ireland. A funny story on my last bike I blew the exhaust up here in this stretch of road, and had a deafening ride back home with my tail between my legs. This Aprilia  however never gave me any trouble, it is much loved and respected and the feeling is reciprocated.

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A view from the road in Northern Ireland, up a mountain on a one track road with just sheep and cows for company.

So that is it and I hope it gave you a smile. Life does not need to be all serious. I have my own trouble. You have your own trouble. Sometimes it can become too much. What do you do to unwind and detangle your brain to give yourself room to work out whatever needs worked out? Comment below and tell me. As I am a counsellor I may be able to pass this onto clients in counselling if it was appropriate. You could be starting a ripple of kindness for someone you will never know! That is a chance you cannot pass up. Comment with your response to a crazy world in which we live.

A request for my brothers and sisters who are bikers, leave me a link to your blogs below I would love to read and follow them. Leave me a comment with a funny story of your biking adventure. My story is when a ‘cool dude’ in a Souped-up Subaru with a pretty lady in beside him tried to race me. I played with him for a while, then just left him with a red face in my dust when he realised what I was doing, and his girl was smiling at me out his window as she had already figured it out. A car will never outrun a powerful bike. Anyone who is not a biker would be very surprised how many professional people like Doctors etc. are actually Bikers.

Last story is  when I was riding to work in winter and didn’t know it was icy in places until my visor froze white. I was nearly at work so rode on slowly. A wee man in a car with a death grip on the steering wheel nearly crashed into a wall when he noticed me riding past him with both feet down on the ice. It was only funny when I made it into work in one piece somehow and I could laugh at his face when he saw a biker going the opposite way into the icy section. My bride did not see the funny side when I went home that evening and told her…Stephen.

Why White Feathers Or The Moon?

For some it may be white feathers that turn up in strange places. For others it is a link to the moon. For me; I love the moon shining bright in the sky, it is usually a calm peaceful night when you can see the moon. This is part of the attraction for me.

If you haven’t read the most painful words I will ever write; you can read them here: An Angel Made Me a Daddy


I am writing about the loss of someone close, someone who is still a part of our lives; they are just not in this world anymore. I know some people who  treasure each white feather they see, when it turns up unexpected, and just at the right time when they needed some comfort, and a reminder of their Angel in Heaven. It is a very special, personal, spiritual experience. They think of a little baby that has sent down one of their Angel wings feathers, to remind them that they are with them in Spirit.

My connection is the moon. I know my baby is not there. My Angel baby has wings in Heaven. The moon however has such a special connection since my 1st child went to Heaven. The link is that I cannot SEE Heaven from here. I feel Heaven, have supernatural experiences, and Believe in Jesus; But it is the connection with the moon shining down that connects my thoughts to my little Baby, whom I talk to, love and miss everyday. I talk to my children here about their Angel in Heaven.
I have previously worked many nightshifts in a dangerous place; But if I passed a window and realised for the 1st time that night the moon was shining; I stopped no matter what was happening, which could have been fights by men addicted to many substances and alcohol. I collected my thoughts, and said a Prayer to Heaven with my little Baby while staring at the moon. I was never once interrupted no matter what was going on around me. A supernatural moment Heaven didn’t allow to be interrupted between a daddy and his Baby Angel.

I have had some nights where I just need to go out walking in the moonlight to clear my head. I will at some point just stop, and using mindfulness, stare at the moon, what shape it is, what colours there is, the clouds drifting slowly past making their own story. In reality, I’m not interested in the moon at this time. It is my soul connecting to Heaven, and I just need to keep a clear mind and let it connect. A very spiritual experience. I never take this for granted and it is very grounding. I am just A loving daddy kissing my Angel in Heaven. X

Sometimes I would love to know what my Baby would have become? Married? Loved to do? Loved to watch? Loved motorcycles like me? Loved reading like me? Been more like Mummy? So many questions with no answers, but then my baby went to Heaven so no pain in this world. I also do have this very special, supernatural connection which is so very precious and personal to me. I use the moon to settle my mind, but my connection is not the moon, or white feathers.

I know some of you do not believe in Heaven, which is your choice, but I do, and that is the only reason I include my spiritual views as it is intertwined in my DNA, especially with my 1st Baby. I am very interested in everyones viewpoint. I am non-judgemental by nature and by profession. I would like you to comment with your connection to someone you have lost that was and still is very much connected to you. Do you do anything at Christmas to remember them? I will have a family moment to think about our Angel at this special time. Our children here have a special connection which I love and cherish.

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I do not know who composed these comforting words. If you know please do notify me.

This blog was never started to be my view only; I am a private introvert. I feel my words may help someone, even 1 person, and that is the only reason I write here. If anyone has a blog they would like me to read regarding their Angel Baby I would love to read it so comment with a link to it. I will also say though if anyone comments anything rude or nasty, I will respond, as this is a very personal experience for everyone concerned. I respect everyones views. Please do post your thoughts below here.

 

 

 

Is This Motorbikes Or Counselling?

Is This Motorbikes Or Counselling?

I am different to what you may assume a counsellor to be. I look rough around the edges, and like I should be in a Motorbike garage covered in oil and grease. I do love doing that too though.
However what does a counsellor look like? Freud? Jung? Suit and tie?
The best compliment I get is that I don’t look like a counsellor at all, but that I am still very good. 
I am a down to earth person, easy going and straight up with integrity. What you see is what you get.

I am extremely serious and careful as a counsellor. You give me your precious time and ask me to walk your journey with you, whatever that may be, and I will be giving you 100% every time. That means continued studying and researching to bring you the best counsellor I can be. We go through everything together. You will never find another counsellor who will give you any more of themselves in every session than me. That is not a choice on my part, it is the way I am.

I used to think I was given these shoulders and muscles to fight my way in the world, as I was a lost Soul. So I used them, and I fought, and I was still lost, not using my talents. God changed that in one night, my thinking was completely changed around. I have been through a lot in life, and have my own battles, but that is what makes me so strong and determined for my clients, while still being as good a husband and daddy as I can be at home.

My shoulders are for carrying other peoples pain, hurt, rejection, shame, whatever they are finding hard to carry, through counselling. I will help carry it until we find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel. I have done this with many adults and adolescents in the last four years. I have helped people carry their burdens for a time, until they are strong enough to let some go, give it away, and take what is left and move forward in life, knowing that I am still here if they need help in the future. I have learned so much from my clients, each one so special as they put their trust in me and we learn together. I have been given this role in life and I am thankful that I now know what my God given purpose in this insane world is.

The point is there is no such thing as a look for certain jobs. I know doctors that you would never imagine were a doctor walking through a hospital, but will give their patients the best care they can possibly give them. I know other doctors who want everyone to know they are a doctor so they can feel superior, but are not interested in caring for their patients.

It is not about a certain image. A person can be invisible to most other people, as they just want to do their calling to the very best of their ability. The important factor to me and my clients is the result of counselling. The important factor to me is whether my motorbike is repaired properly. I took my bike to a big garage and it was not fixed to my satisfaction. Next time I took it to a small garage with a man who cared about my bike and my happiness with his service. He is now my bike repair guy every time.

You and I may walk past people everyday who blend into the background, but are changing peoples lives for the better. These are the people I like, they are the heroes, not the glory seeking people who only care about what people think of them, but are unable to care for that one person in front of them, or that one motorcycle.

During my counselling training I was highly recommended a counsellor for personal therapy who apparently, was brilliant. I went to see him, and he was so crap I left early. He was obnoxious, pompous and was not listening, therefore I could never have learned from him how to treat people with empathy and respect. I went to another counsellor who was then, relatively unknown. She is fantastic, and has empathy, respect and knowledge and is perfect for me to learn with, and is a great benefit to me and my counselling career.

I prefer to be like my counsellor and my Motorbike man, caring about each individual person and helping each individual person, and changing each life, alongside my clients.

One small ripple of kindness can become a wave as it is multiplied on, with each person benefiting someone else as they have benefited. I like it when I hear of my clients being able to pass on some skills I have taught them onto their friends, therefore the ripple expands.

Stephen.

(image from:  coolcatteacher.com)

(Video does not need explained. Take a few minutes to watch.)