Follow Me To My New Blog?

Follow Me To My New Blog?

As it states in the title this blog may be shutting down. I am unsure whether to leave it as it is, or shut it down, but I may keep it and sometimes add a blog to it?

I am in the process of getting my new blog set up here: Lone Wolf Breathes

The title of the new blog is simply a metaphor of me as a lone wolf breathing words into the blog. My writing comes from a very deep part of me and this seemed appropriate. It will allow me to have more variety of material to write about, as I found with this blog being so obviously attached to my counselling career, it was distracting from my writing here, and comments on other blogs.

For the next few days I will be transferring blogs I like from here to my new blog: Lone Wolf Breathes and then kicking off with some new blogs. I am looking forward to the freedom of commenting it will bring, and not be intimidating to others hopefully.

Please do follow me over there, and I will continue to follow your blogs. If you have any other blogs I’m not following then comment below for me to follow.

Thanks, Stephen.

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Kairos Has Saved Lives

Kairos Has Saved Lives

Kairos for me is a time in history which creates an opportunity for, and indeed demands, an existential decision by the human subject. A delicate, crucial MOMENT, in which you can rewrite your personal history.

How many times have you, who is reading this, had such a moment in your life, that MOMENT, when you know it is a fork in the road, but you are hurtling towards it at speed, and you need to decide in a MOMENT, which path to take?

Making that phone call, texting, or Emailing to initiate your counselling could be one such MOMENT. A time for you to rewrite your history and stop pretending you will change, life will change, patterns will change, but they haven’t and you haven’t so far. Maybe for you Kairos is now!? Maybe reading this could be your Kairos, your moment that will initiate changes? 

Whatever you hope to change, or do differently, or whatever your wish is for this year, it takes work bringing it to fruition. In my experience this will not happen without a MOMENT of enlightenment, or a moment of fear, or a moment of deep melancholy. It will take Kairos to enable you to start making changes. 

In counselling with me Kairos happens frequently. The right words, at the opportune time, can, and have changed a life. Without courage, intelligence and passion, from counsellor and client, the present kairos may pass. I do not always get the words in that precious MOMENT, but I am constantly aware of Kairos in a counselling session. It has saved lives.

I previously worked in a homeless hostel with very vulnerable adults, dealing with suicide on a daily basis, sometimes for many hours with someone during a night-shift. It was Kairos that enabled a person to survive the night. A few words in the right time, said in the right way, saved the person from dying. I never take it for granted, and it is an exceedingly important part of my development as a counsellor, noticing and being aware of Kairos, and using it to help precious souls. 

Kairos could be described as a moment when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action, an opportune and decisive moment. It will appear and disappear quickly.

My prayer is that you and I will use Kairos for positivity. Kairos could be used for spreading a ripple of kindness, something small but the ripple spreads as people spread the kindness. That moment you walk past a homeless person, will you or won’t you give them something to eat? That moment you see a mother struggling with groceries and a small child or baby, will you help her? That moment you think about a relative or friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, will you use Kairos to call them? 

Stephen.

Spikes or Flower?

Spikes or Flower?

This cactus came from a family holiday in Lanzarote as a tiny sprout. It has been cared for since then, watered, fed, changed to a bigger pot, and has sunshine shining down on it, when it is actually sunny in Northern Ireland… Some people may still just see it as this spiky useless thing. They may not see the tiny, intricate, beautiful flowers it has produced.

I know a lot of people who on the outside may look quite scary and sharp; sometimes us who happen to ride motorcycles may be looked upon as loud, scary and rough. As with the beautiful flowers on my cactus, it is for the beholder to see what they wish.

So what are the spines (spikes) for? They are not thorns, rather they are modified leaves, and keep some predators away from the water inside, but also help on a misty or foggy night to trap some water, which then falls down the smooth cactus to the ground and is able to be absorbed by the roots.

So if you think of people who may be protecting themselves in this, sometimes, dry and arid world, devoid of empathy, they may use defenses to keep people away. If you look closely at a cactus it usually has a beautiful smooth surface behind the spines. If we cared enough to really see a person we may see the beautiful smooth stem, the spines all designed so intricately to protect, and the fruit that it produces, for this cactus it is the stunning flowers.

A person behind the spikes could be a father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, friend or any number of very kind things to many people. Going with the bikers again, I know most bikers have very big kind hearts and do many things to help people, maybe a charity bike run to raise money for little children who need some sunshine to shine down on them, and raise money to help them.

As both a biker and a counsellor I am privileged to know a lot of people who may on the outside have a lot of spines to protect themselves, after being hurt in this world. I know that behind these spines is a beautiful soul that is very kind and helpful to others, despite what has happened to them. I know the fruit they are producing and how they help others to flourish.

As you can read I look at a cactus very differently, and it means a lot to me. I find comfort in the spiky spines. It is a reminder to me that spiky people may be a lot different behind that defense. It reminds me if someone is spiky to me that if I negotiate them spiky spines carefully, the smoother, calmer person is there. The beautiful flowers this cactus produces twice a year, reminds me how a person can flourish, if they recieve the correct care and attention we all require in this world. Thanks for reading, Stephen.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I Am Not I 

I am not I

I am this one

walking beside me whom I do not see

whom at times I manage to visit,

and whom at other times I forget,

The one who remains silent, when I talk.

The one who forgives, sweet, when I hate.

The one who takes a walk when I am indoors.

The one who will still remain when I die.

Juan Ramón Jiménez

A reminder to check in with my Soul regularly.

I am a Soul surrounded by a rental of skin and bones. I use Prayer, reading the Bible, mindfulness, nature, my Bride and my Sons to connect with my Soul and its Creator. My Soul is the only part of me that will last. What ripples I leave behind in helping others in a safe way is my goal. It feels good to check in to the real me, inside, which I wish to shine out. No matter what others may TRY to ‘do to me or make me feel’, my Soul is the part they do not get to easily, I will protect my peace by any means. Stephen.

Kill Yourself or Other Things? 

A few thoughts just after World Suicide Prevention Day. In Northern Ireland more people have ended their life on Earth through suicide this week. 

It is vitally important if your thoughts get to the point of resignation that you seek professional help. You can live on. You can change so much else in life if it has become so hard for you to hang on living. You cannot come back to life after you have killed yourself, only Jesus accomplished coming back to life after dying. Life can be very good after overcoming this dark period of suicidal thoughts. Hang on. Get help. Believe in what you can still accomplish in life. 

I would like all precious people to consider who they put their trust in regarding suicide. I as a Christian put my trust in God, but not every Church has a trained professional to help you through depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicide… I am a man of Faith and believe in the healing of the Holy Spirit. A Pastor or Minister is an excellent person to go to for guidance and counsel for your precious Soul, and I highly recommend it, as you will be taking your Soul wherever you go after here… I just wish you to consider if you are putting your trust in a person in a Church or Chapel, as a few wrong words from someone could be the tipping point in activating your suicidal thoughts, into actions… It is similar with some other places in towns which profess to have ‘professionals’ to help you with your suicidal thoughts, they may not be trained. 

Try anywhere you wish for help, but if it is not helping, do not stay there, go somewhere else, and get help from somewhere else. Do not allow yourself to stop fighting, do not allow yourself to sink further into the darkness and lies of depression and suicide. If you do not want to see me that is perfectly fine, I just wish you to get help, with someone who can help you. I wish to see you tomorrow, next week, month, year… I wish to look into your eyes and say you made it, well done, what a fight you had. Survive. Pray. Believe. Ask God to help. Psalm 91.

Inspired Counselling Services

Courage And Strength To Face The Demons!

These words are from one of my current clients. Be respectful. My client has kindly given me permission to share them. They are from a very deep part. This client has shown amazing strength and courage to face the demons of the past head on. I work in a psychodynamic way which looks into how the past has shaped today, helping to make the unconscious, conscious. This client is now looking at the future with possibilities, instead of being ruled by the past.

“Today, I gently opened my eyes from the darkness,
How do I feel? I’m further back from the abyss,
I’m not gasping for air, i’m not drowning inside,
My mind is at peace, I smile, my tears all cried.

I’ve been through the battles, drugs, sex, bars.
Abused, hurt, ashamed, lost. They all left their scars.
Dragged about my burdens, crushing me slowly,
Guilt ridden, confused but most of all lonely.

One night it came. The voice said ‘just a cut’.
It was all the sign I needed to try to escape the rut.
I’d no other way out though, I was spiralling down,
Somebody? ANYBODY! SAVE ME! I can’t turn this around!

It was too much, I was so heavy, so tired,
I needed help, what I found was Inspired.
I told him my story, my secrets all unlocked,
I wasn’t judged or pitied, he wasn’t even shocked.

All of the troubles, all the feelings slowly teased out
Of the mess in my mind, I constantly tossed about.
I had no expectation, no goal to achieve,
But, I AM a good person deep down I believe.

The road ahead isn’t easy. He understands, he knows.
He walks by your side at your lowest of lows.
Guiding and helping you to deal with your past.
finding a way to forgive it and let it go, at last.

To become who you are, you need to know where you have been.
Make peace with it, lessons learned – it wasn’t a dream.
The main thing is YOU, who do you want to become?
Face everything and rise? or forget everything and run?”

Words From An Inspired Counselling Services Client.

Thank you to all my clients who allow me to go on a journey with them to some very dark places, allowing me with empathy and no judgements, to guide them towards the light again. If you feel led, leave a comment as my client will be following this post.

Stephen.

Can Broken Love Be Strong Enough?

Can Broken Love Be Strong Enough?

Can broken love be strong enough?
This is a question with no ‘correct’ answer. It could depend on: circumstances, both people, dependants, finances, past experiences, support network, trust, Spiritual Faith, guilt, shame, mental health, etc.

The tension of our lives are in this picture. We all have a heart, all nations, cultures, colours and religions. How do you listen to your heart? What happens when a negative event occurs in your life? When you get the thoughts that you are worthless, useless, or whats the point in trying, when your shoulders droop and your head goes down. Do you allow your negative experiences to crush you or make you stronger? I decide when that happens to use the negativity as fuel to motivate me and push me on. The thoughts come to all of us, but it is how we listen and use them that is the key. I get negative thoughts and  that is my key to use them for motivation and realise my body sensations at that time, e.g shoulders drooped, head down, and know it is time for positive thinking, using all that negativity as the fuel.

How do you cope in that tension? How do I? The learning is in the tension. The growth is in the tension. It is part of life, and it is a choice we need to make. So many people have given up and just stay in that negative thinking, with so many somatic symptoms (feelings in the body, e.g. sore head, shoulders, neck, joints, sick stomach etc.) which may be coming from their negative thinking. The tension is hard to negotiate, but would you rather be stuck in a negative cycle? The tension in your heart, like in the picture above, has many issues to negotiate in everyday life, but it can be healthy, and work with your mind to keep you happy and in control. Enjoy the tension.
Stephen.