Follow Me To My New Blog?

Follow Me To My New Blog?

As it states in the title this blog may be shutting down. I am unsure whether to leave it as it is, or shut it down, but I may keep it and sometimes add a blog to it?

I am in the process of getting my new blog set up here: Lone Wolf Breathes

The title of the new blog is simply a metaphor of me as a lone wolf breathing words into the blog. My writing comes from a very deep part of me and this seemed appropriate. It will allow me to have more variety of material to write about, as I found with this blog being so obviously attached to my counselling career, it was distracting from my writing here, and comments on other blogs.

For the next few days I will be transferring blogs I like from here to my new blog: Lone Wolf Breathes and then kicking off with some new blogs. I am looking forward to the freedom of commenting it will bring, and not be intimidating to others hopefully.

Please do follow me over there, and I will continue to follow your blogs. If you have any other blogs I’m not following then comment below for me to follow.

Thanks, Stephen.

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Kairos Has Saved Lives

Kairos Has Saved Lives

Kairos for me is a time in history which creates an opportunity for, and indeed demands, an existential decision by the human subject. A delicate, crucial MOMENT, in which you can rewrite your personal history.

How many times have you, who is reading this, had such a moment in your life, that MOMENT, when you know it is a fork in the road, but you are hurtling towards it at speed, and you need to decide in a MOMENT, which path to take?

Making that phone call, texting, or Emailing to initiate your counselling could be one such MOMENT. A time for you to rewrite your history and stop pretending you will change, life will change, patterns will change, but they haven’t and you haven’t so far. Maybe for you Kairos is now!? Maybe reading this could be your Kairos, your moment that will initiate changes? 

Whatever you hope to change, or do differently, or whatever your wish is for this year, it takes work bringing it to fruition. In my experience this will not happen without a MOMENT of enlightenment, or a moment of fear, or a moment of deep melancholy. It will take Kairos to enable you to start making changes. 

In counselling with me Kairos happens frequently. The right words, at the opportune time, can, and have changed a life. Without courage, intelligence and passion, from counsellor and client, the present kairos may pass. I do not always get the words in that precious MOMENT, but I am constantly aware of Kairos in a counselling session. It has saved lives.

I previously worked in a homeless hostel with very vulnerable adults, dealing with suicide on a daily basis, sometimes for many hours with someone during a night-shift. It was Kairos that enabled a person to survive the night. A few words in the right time, said in the right way, saved the person from dying. I never take it for granted, and it is an exceedingly important part of my development as a counsellor, noticing and being aware of Kairos, and using it to help precious souls. 

Kairos could be described as a moment when conditions are right for the accomplishment of a crucial action, an opportune and decisive moment. It will appear and disappear quickly.

My prayer is that you and I will use Kairos for positivity. Kairos could be used for spreading a ripple of kindness, something small but the ripple spreads as people spread the kindness. That moment you walk past a homeless person, will you or won’t you give them something to eat? That moment you see a mother struggling with groceries and a small child or baby, will you help her? That moment you think about a relative or friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, will you use Kairos to call them? 

Stephen.

Spikes or Flower?

Spikes or Flower?

This cactus came from a family holiday in Lanzarote as a tiny sprout. It has been cared for since then, watered, fed, changed to a bigger pot, and has sunshine shining down on it, when it is actually sunny in Northern Ireland… Some people may still just see it as this spiky useless thing. They may not see the tiny, intricate, beautiful flowers it has produced.

I know a lot of people who on the outside may look quite scary and sharp; sometimes us who happen to ride motorcycles may be looked upon as loud, scary and rough. As with the beautiful flowers on my cactus, it is for the beholder to see what they wish.

So what are the spines (spikes) for? They are not thorns, rather they are modified leaves, and keep some predators away from the water inside, but also help on a misty or foggy night to trap some water, which then falls down the smooth cactus to the ground and is able to be absorbed by the roots.

So if you think of people who may be protecting themselves in this, sometimes, dry and arid world, devoid of empathy, they may use defenses to keep people away. If you look closely at a cactus it usually has a beautiful smooth surface behind the spines. If we cared enough to really see a person we may see the beautiful smooth stem, the spines all designed so intricately to protect, and the fruit that it produces, for this cactus it is the stunning flowers.

A person behind the spikes could be a father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, friend or any number of very kind things to many people. Going with the bikers again, I know most bikers have very big kind hearts and do many things to help people, maybe a charity bike run to raise money for little children who need some sunshine to shine down on them, and raise money to help them.

As both a biker and a counsellor I am privileged to know a lot of people who may on the outside have a lot of spines to protect themselves, after being hurt in this world. I know that behind these spines is a beautiful soul that is very kind and helpful to others, despite what has happened to them. I know the fruit they are producing and how they help others to flourish.

As you can read I look at a cactus very differently, and it means a lot to me. I find comfort in the spiky spines. It is a reminder to me that spiky people may be a lot different behind that defense. It reminds me if someone is spiky to me that if I negotiate them spiky spines carefully, the smoother, calmer person is there. The beautiful flowers this cactus produces twice a year, reminds me how a person can flourish, if they recieve the correct care and attention we all require in this world. Thanks for reading, Stephen.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

I Am Not I 

I am not I

I am this one

walking beside me whom I do not see

whom at times I manage to visit,

and whom at other times I forget,

The one who remains silent, when I talk.

The one who forgives, sweet, when I hate.

The one who takes a walk when I am indoors.

The one who will still remain when I die.

Juan Ramón Jiménez

A reminder to check in with my Soul regularly.

I am a Soul surrounded by a rental of skin and bones. I use Prayer, reading the Bible, mindfulness, nature, my Bride and my Sons to connect with my Soul and its Creator. My Soul is the only part of me that will last. What ripples I leave behind in helping others in a safe way is my goal. It feels good to check in to the real me, inside, which I wish to shine out. No matter what others may TRY to ‘do to me or make me feel’, my Soul is the part they do not get to easily, I will protect my peace by any means. Stephen.

Kill Yourself or Other Things? 

A few thoughts just after World Suicide Prevention Day. In Northern Ireland more people have ended their life on Earth through suicide this week. 

It is vitally important if your thoughts get to the point of resignation that you seek professional help. You can live on. You can change so much else in life if it has become so hard for you to hang on living. You cannot come back to life after you have killed yourself, only Jesus accomplished coming back to life after dying. Life can be very good after overcoming this dark period of suicidal thoughts. Hang on. Get help. Believe in what you can still accomplish in life. 

I would like all precious people to consider who they put their trust in regarding suicide. I as a Christian put my trust in God, but not every Church has a trained professional to help you through depression, anxiety, ptsd, suicide… I am a man of Faith and believe in the healing of the Holy Spirit. A Pastor or Minister is an excellent person to go to for guidance and counsel for your precious Soul, and I highly recommend it, as you will be taking your Soul wherever you go after here… I just wish you to consider if you are putting your trust in a person in a Church or Chapel, as a few wrong words from someone could be the tipping point in activating your suicidal thoughts, into actions… It is similar with some other places in towns which profess to have ‘professionals’ to help you with your suicidal thoughts, they may not be trained. 

Try anywhere you wish for help, but if it is not helping, do not stay there, go somewhere else, and get help from somewhere else. Do not allow yourself to stop fighting, do not allow yourself to sink further into the darkness and lies of depression and suicide. If you do not want to see me that is perfectly fine, I just wish you to get help, with someone who can help you. I wish to see you tomorrow, next week, month, year… I wish to look into your eyes and say you made it, well done, what a fight you had. Survive. Pray. Believe. Ask God to help. Psalm 91.

Inspired Counselling Services

New Words Bubbling Out

I am writing a lot again. I get periods when titles, or themes to write, the main bones, bubble up from my subconscious; I then know I need to write it all down, somewhere, anywhere! It could be written on Evernote which syncs with my phone, Kindle fire, Macbook etc. Or it could be on back of a business card, napkin, scrap of paper… The 1st draft is formed in my head first, then written down. This is unusual and frustrating at times but incredibly rewarding, allowing the words freedom to touch people, knowing they were locked in my head for so long.

Mindfulness is used to calm my mind and body before gently letting the words out. I will collate it together and form some blogs from it very soon. I appreciate everyone that takes time to read my blog. I find it very therapeutic getting it out of my head or heart and into a blog. Expect more this weekend.

Peace. Stephen.

You Want Me to Forgive my Evil Abuser?

You Want Me to Forgive my Evil Abuser?

I wonder if you could forgive an evil person that has knowingly hurt you, or abused you? I wonder could you forgive a family member who has ripped every shred of trust out of your mind, body and spirit? I wonder could you forgive a partner who tried to send your ashes to the devil, after he or she discarded you after abusing you mentally and physically?

Forgiveness has to be a conscious decision of my will. If someone has done me harm intentionally and shows no remorse, it is an extremely difficult decision to forgive them, but this does not mean it is ok, that it was fine what they did to me. It just means that I am choosing not to allow what they did to me to eat me up inside and hold me prisoner. I am forgiving them to set myself free; to allow myself to move on with my life. If someone is a narcissist for instance, they will not feel remorse, so waiting or trying to get some sort of apology may not happen; at least for a long time.

Nelson Mandela said this regarding leaving prison, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

I wasn’t always a calm person and would have tried forcing someone by whatever means I could to ‘get’ someone to apologise to me. This was never an apology as they felt they needed to apologise to me just to appease me, and get me to back off. I am now a man of peace, and no matter how hard it is to do, I try to forgive people for their harm towards me. This means I am not allowing my feelings and emotions to become twisted up, bitter, angry, resentful and ultimately become the effect of other people’s nasty or evil agendas. I am responsible for my own feelings and emotions; although this does mean I have to stop sometimes and realise I have allowed myself to be tarnished with someone else’s hatred of me and reciprocated it towards them. You may have feelings of shame, loneliness, guilt, anger or many more, all of which are not yours to hold, as they were a product of what this person did to you, not what you did to them, therefore when you work through to being able to forgive this person, these feeling can also be left with them, not carried around on your shoulders.

This is where mindfulness is very useful, as it allows me to sit, or lie down, in the peace and stillness, and listen to my own emotions and thoughts, filter them back, and take forward only what is mine, leaving other people’s nasty or evil feelings, which can only harm me more than they ever could. I refuse to allow what they did to me, to continue long after they did it, to still affect me now. I refuse to give them that power over me and my current relationships.

Forgiveness blog pic

Forgiving others is not about ‘letting them of the hook’; It is about accepting it has happened, and becoming who you can be, without them holding you back, still having control over you. If what they did was illegal for instance, and if you haven’t already, take it to the authorities if you wish. Forgiveness is not making light of anything that has happened, but allowing you to move on, however difficult it will be.

The lady in the link below states she was raped by her Father a lot growing up, she was eventually able to forgive… I can’t ever imagine the pain, physically and mentally she went through as a young person so confused in the world, by someone she could have learned trust from…

Joyce Meyer Healing and Hope after Abuse

I want you to know that trust can be formed again, healing can take place. As a man of Christian Faith, I asked God for forgiveness, and have been forgiven for a lot. I pray everyday, and I also practice Mindfulness. This is my way of living life in peace, in charge of my thoughts, feeling and emotions. I refuse to allow others to hinder my steps in life because they are so twisted up inside they want to harm and control others with their evil plans. I take time everyday to stop, listen and feel my spirit, mind and body.

I am very interested in your comments on forgiveness. How did you forgive someone who harmed you? I would like this blog to be the start of someone being able to take control of their life back from the pain that was caused to them. This blog is only here to help trigger something in other people to start healing and steps towards a more peaceful life. Please also get professional help if you need it from a counsellor etc. to help you take the 1st steps.

Take care. Stephen

www.inspiredcounsellingservices.co.uk